Posterior invasion
By Out to Lunch
According to the American Heritage Dictionary:
a·nus (?’n?s) n. pl. a·nus·es the opening at the lower end of the alimentary canal through which solid waste is eliminated from the body.
After looking at the accompanying picture and looking up the definition of the word in a dictionary, one could venture many guesses as to the reasons why someone, probably after a lot of thought, would have decided to write ‘anus’ in bold lettering on the rear windscreen of their car. It could be that the owner of the car is announcing to the world a healthy pre-occupation with the human posterior (does not elaborate if it is the male, female or some other species). Although highly unlikely, it could also be that the owner – for the benefit of humanity – is referring to the rear end of the car and has posted the sign so that the rear end is not mistaken for the front. The most obvious reason however, is that the parents of the gentleman who owns the car conferred this name upon him at birth. But whatever the reason may be, after the initial shock of the picture passes, the next reaction is…why? Why would anyone this side of a total nut job want to announce something like that to the world? Be it their name or a preference for a particular part of the human anatomy. The only silver lining I see as a result of having such a ridiculously spelt name is that instead of having to go through years of therapy to deal with low self esteem issues and the torment suffered at the hands of school mates, the gent had the guts to not only embrace his name but also announce to the world that he is named after the derriere.
The trend of using the rear windscreen of the car as a means to purvey a personal statement has picked up momentum of late and road trips around Lahore have become more entertaining for it. A few days ago, some friends and I decided to compile a list of things that people had written on the back of their cars; at the time of writing we had put together an admirable compilation of what a lot of Lahoris want to tell the world about themselves. And some of them even put the ‘Butt Transport Service’ – often seen plying the motorway, ferrying passengers between Lahore and Islamabad – to shame in their creativity. A few noteworthy examples are, ‘steel balls’, ‘hot leopard’, ‘death game’, ‘spoilt brat’, ‘studying sucks’, ‘I hate girls but one’, and ‘mama says don’t talk to girls’.
Whether steel balls are something to tell the world about depends entirely on their location, and call me crazy but I bet mama would be a lot more worried if her boy only talked to other boys. I have also seen a couple driving around with their kids in the back, and the word ‘boob’ boldly emblazoned on the rear windshield of their car. Ignorance is most definitely bliss. There is also the matter of the number sixty-nine as a license plate. I have seen it on quite a few cars lately. Apparently it is pretty tough to get that registration number for your car because of high demand. People are lining up to have the number adorn their car. I sometimes wonder if people actually know what this means. Imagine arriving at a wedding with your family in a car with the above-mentioned registration number. As your family gets out of the car, everyone gets to see the license plate, and one can only wonder as to what message that license plate sends out regarding one’s tastes (pun intended) and habits.
Aside from the chuckle inducing proclamations, this shows a need for acknowledgment. And interestingly enough, I have noticed this mainly in Lahore. People tend to be more inconspicuous in other cities. The only other group that I can think of which adorns their mode of transportation with flowery prose and elegant verse is the group of truckers that runs trade goods between Port Qasim, Karachi and Peshawar. A friend suggested that it is because of our individualism that we want to stand out from the crowd, and that egotism has caused this trend of conspicuous consumption. In my opinion nothing could be further from the truth, for anyone exalting our individualism has clearly never been stuck in a traffic jam before. People breaking the law just because the guy in front is doing the same clearly point to the mob mentality at work. Ayn Rand, one of the greatest proponents of emancipation through individualism, would turn in her grave to have it associated with us.
In the end I guess we are all trying to make a personal statement to the world in one way or another. And the rear windscreen of the car could be as good a soapbox as any. It is nothing new either, after all the bumper sticker has been around for a long time. This is just another way of wearing a facet of your personality on your sleeve. It is a different matter, however, whether the facet that you have chosen to parade in front of the world is worth displaying or not. By doing so, you have essentially relinquished all of your control over making a good first impression to the backside of your car, because whoever sees the car will have an opinion of you before they have met or even seen you. And whoever is willing to do that, is either extremely brave or extremely foolish…or both.
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