your every word suits me except point 6 as i dont have any official girl friend now.
But my wife usually says
MIAN GEE NEND NAHI AA RAHI YEAH PAKWHEELS MERI SOKAN BAN GAYA HAI AB AGER AP KI WAJAH SAY BAYTA UTH GAYA TO USKO AAP KHUD SULANA MAIN NAHI UTHOUN GEE
bhai log yahan to pakwheels ki wajah say meri shadi tutay gee yaan phir mera sir, kisi bhi surat main pakwheels ki zimaydari ho gee.
pakwheels join kertay huay yeah point kisi nay bataya hi nahi kay pakwheels ki wajah say aap ki shadi yaan apki nokri kharab honay main pakwheels ki koi grantee nahi