01. Your windshield wipers have two speeds, slow and slower.
02. Your heater has three temperature settings, off, high and none.
03. Strangers come up and say, "I had one just like this way back in..."
04. After a hard left turn you and your clothes both smell like gasoline.
05. You find straw under your seats.
06. Children slug each other when you drive by.
07. Your wife slugs you when you try to get her into the car.
08. Your air-conditioning consists of two windows down.
09. Dogs bury your car in the yard.
10. A bug hitting the windshield slows you down.
11. You can roll up the passenger window from the driver's seat without outstretching your arm.
12. The sound of the motor reminds you of your mother's Singer sewing machine.
13. The full service gas station attendant stands at the front and asks you to "pop ...the hood."
14. Your children are embarrassed to be picked up from school.
15. Oil spots accumulate readily under the engine no matter how short the time it's parked.
16. You know your mechanic's phone number by heart.
17. Children point and giggle shouting," Herbie!"
18. Your wife points and shouts. "Spare me!"
19. Your windshield washer system consists of hanging your head out of the window and spitting.
20. When you floor it, old ladies with walkers pass you.
21. People yell at you, "Get a horse!"
22. You have to use the owner's manual to find the battery.
23. The horn sounds like a duck with a sore throat.
24. Your VW mechanic named his first born after you
25. You have a bumper sticker that reads "Don't Honk, I'm Peddling As Fast As I Can!"
26. You pray for a strong tail wind and say three Hail Mary's when trying to merge onto the interstate during rush hour.
27. You don't have a clue what a radiator is.
28. You can't fully unfold a map in the car.
29. When someone asks you what kind of car you have, you lie.
30. When driving through curb high water, you have to pump the brake pedal and throw out an anchor to stop.
31. When at speeds between 40 and 45 MPH. the steering wheel and front end begin to shimmy and wobble like a washing machine out of balance.
32. Your local fraternity pranksters set it high atop the library steps.
33. You can see the road through the floor.
34. Your mother-in-law keeps asking, "Do you like this better than a real car?"
35. Your owner's manual is two pages double spaced.
36. The junk in your trunk is in the front.
37. It's adorned with peace signs and "Grateful Dead" decals.
38. Gusty winds decide which lane you'll travel in.
39. Your window defroster is your shirt sleeve.
40. You wouldn't trade it for the world!