Okay....so it's become a bit longer than usual, but anything to help a brother out.
This was a long read. But I think it'll do you good to get this off your chest.
Multiple problems here, so that's why you're going through this.
Biggest issue: Those who don't stand for something, fall for anything.
You've fallen for whatever people say. "Log kya kahein gey" , making decisions according to what people say has just ruined it for you. When anyone allows the opinions (in form of advice, pressure, jests etc) of people to influence their decisions to this extent that you've described, it always ends up in this unhappy situation you're in. Coupled with not taking responsibility, that X y z said such and such and so I did this. That's recipe of failure of nations and empires.
There are self-worth issues here. Being fired from a job, or even a hundred jobs, does not make anyone a bad person. Being declined by a girl, or however many girls, doesn't make you any less of a man. Will people stop saying $h!t when such things happen? Absolutely not. It's what people with useless lives and absolutely no values do. So again, don't let what people say drag you down. It's a choice. The bad feelings keep coming in those situations, but you LITERALLY need to tell that part of you that feels bad, that these people are not your God, so you don't have to bow down to whatever they say. And this kind of independent decision-making and taking responsibility of consequences is what makes it alpha male territory, and you won't need to spend $10k to learn it. So don't let an enemy you can't see with your eyes let your subconscious self generate bad feelings in those scenarios. We are all human. Only God almighty is perfect. Accept your humanity. Accept responsibility for crappy decisions that led to crappy outcomes. And don't let that drag you down cz we all make crappy decisions at times.
There are irrational behaviours on both sides, your family's and yours. That's what makes it a perpetually unsolved mess. Someone i know very very closely is in 100% of your situation, only in much advanced stages at much earlier age. You need to untangle the mess by writing down certain universal truths, if you want to avoid repeating your mamoo's life story (or of the millions of others). Again, from your description it seems your mamoo was also suffering from letting others tell him what to do while not shouldering the responsibility of his own life himself.
The person I know, untangled the mess and simplified things by sticking to certain truths.
A. Things have to change. Either success or rejection, but things have to change. Life cannot remain as it is. Status quo is unacceptable.
B. What makes a marriage successful, that's got be learnt. If it needs changing of ones perspective then it has to be done, because a successful married life is just that important - it is non negotiable.
C. Some things aren't real. Like the first ever beautiful crush feels like if i don't get her, there will never be anyone as good. But then you can count how many others came along and you felt the same way about each one. That there will never be anyone better. That that one has to be it. So this stuff about not finding someone that good is just unreal.
D. A working action plan.
So brother. You are not alone in this situation. Everyone, many many many people have been in some aspect of your situation, some more than others. There are ways out of the sticky situation, should you choose to believe in them. Question is: if, theoretically, it had to come down to living with your crush in the mamoo-like situation vs. being in a peaceful respectful loving relationship, what would you value more?
