Last night while doing a chat with PW?rs, I told them I'll be sharing a story on this thread instead chat about it due to its length. Coming to the point, this is not an embarrassing moment of mine but I did embarrass a friend of mine, quite a few times.
This is not a funny story, it will be long and boring. If you don't want to hear a boring story, stop right here and do something productive.
We three friends were coming from Sharjah to Dubai one night. One, some of might know as Janaan Khan (used to come to PW meets in Dubai) and another friend Peter Novak from Czech whom I used to call Czech Mate (the same guy some of you PW'er met in Pakistan at my wedding) in 2007. Janaan was driving while Peter is in front and I'm sitting in the back. So the story goes like this:
Janaan is in 3rd lane of the 6 lane road, nowadays called Sheikh Khalifa Rd (Emirates Rd previously) and is doing 100+kph in my turdy little Kia Rio I used to have. Janaan had a new license and was fond of driving, so I let him drive while I am relaxed in the rear seat.
Just after National Paint into Dubai, I saw him approaching a truck from behind very fast without even slowing down or changing lane.
Me: What are you doing, are you nuts? (I yelled)
Janaan: I was looking at the signboard above for exit. (while braking hard to slow down)
Me: Can't you look ahead instead of looking up. I know where the exit is and will let you know, you concentrate on driving, you moron!
Janaan: Ok! (gives me a stare, eyes red, in rear view mirror)
A few moments later I told him the exit is near. He takes the extreme right lane for exit.
Now I see him going over the yellow line and missing the huge pole for Information Signboard just by a small margin.
Me: Do you F_____ing know how to drive? You Choola driver! (Racerf2 gave him that name due to his inept skills at driving or the way he drive like a Malbari)
Janaan: You think you are the only driver in Dubai?? I can drive too! (yells at me)
In the meantime Peter was completely quite. During the whole debacle he twitched a few times but spoke none. I also stopped yelling as I didn't wanted to interrupt Janaan so he can concentrate on driving since he was new at it.
There was some work progress going on up the bridge and there were some traffic cones in the corner too. When he drove up the ramp to the bridge for exit, he came too close to some of them and went over one of the cones in the corner. This time I lost my patience.
He stops right at the next bus stop and gets out of the car and comes sit in the rear seat.
- Me: If you want to **** on my car, then go ride a f____king bus you moron!
Peter meanwhile is not amused and looks at us pretty seriously....
I get to the driving seat and bash it to reach our home in Qusais, all of us quite all the time.
After a couple of weeks I met Janaan again. When we sat, he looks at me and gets in to hysterical laugh. I'm baffled as to what have I done that he laughed at me.
Janaan: Remember that night we were coming from Sharjah?
Me: Yes I remember how a choola driver is like!
Janaan: I lied when I said I was looking at the signboard.
Me: What do you mean?
Janaan: I was sleeping!
Me: You were what??
Janaan: If you haven't yelled at me that time, I'd have banged right into the back of the truck.
Me: No matter what excuse you have, you are still a choola driver. You almost hit the pole and ran over the traffic cone too.
Janaan: I was sleeping that time too!
Me: I'll f____king kill you. You tried to kill us that night and you are telling me now??
Janaan: I do it all the time. I can't control it.
I wanted to punch him but what could have I done. He told me how he sleeps at the wheel and when he reaches the roundabout or signal, the small warning lines starts jiggling the car and he wakes up, slows down and/or stop. He also admitted at hitting once a local guy from behind but got away with the offense because the local was drunk and didn't wanted trouble with police, so he let him go.
So, if you look at the story its not embarrassing but from that day onward, I made it embarrassing for him whenever I felt like he was going to sleep while driving. Even if he stopped talking, I made it embarrassing for him.
How? Move fast forward a few of months.
He got a black Kia Carnival with a 3.8 V6 in those days and we were in Abu Dhabi over the weekend. After the weekend, we had to come back to Dubai together that night.
Me: Hey Choola Driver, let me drive. You will sleep and if you sleep I'll F____k you!
Janaan: Do I look like a kid who don't know how to drive? I don't sleep, so shut up!
Me: If you sleep I promise I'll do what I said!
He sits in and we started our journey. We are talking and listening to songs all the way.
Somewhere in between he stops talking suddenly. I looked at him and saw he was going to doze off.
A few moments later I looked at him again, he dozed off. I positioned my self towards him and with the best angle and force, I slapped him so hard on the face that he went bonkers and almost swerved the minivan left and right but I was ready for it and already had control of the steering.
That was the first time I ever slapped him on the face and whenever after that I rode with him, I used to be on the lookout. sometimes even if he was not sleeping but stopped talking, I'll slap him for the sake of it. He will just look at me with red eyes but won't say anything if he was guilty. He will just stop the vehicle and let me drive.
In this story I wanted you guys to learn this technique and if any of your friends or foe do doze off, let them know the force is with you... SLAP them real hard! I know its dangerous but less dangerous then getting killed by a sleeping moron!
P.S: Will share later how I learned this technique.
