How to Start a Fight
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a
Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I
replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and
she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at
a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to
drinking right after we
split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that
long?"
And then the fight started...
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to
take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something
more important to me..
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived
home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away
with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.. I was
gone only a minute, and
when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the
driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will
always have a limp.
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping
channels. She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started....
