Life has become too Hard

[muhammad.irtiza]

I do not have any brother or role model to guide me, but here on Pakwheels first time in Pakistan I have seen people who will help me. So here goes my problem.

I will not discuss my personal problems here but today I do not know what happened, but I had had enough. An uncle with his underage son in their phat phati old motorcycle were coming, and I was about to park the car when they tried to rush through the barely 1 feet space between my car and the parking space, meanwhile on the right side there was a 50 feet road. Both braked as hard as possible and there wasnt a collision. I stared at him in disbelief, but seems like I confronted a madman.
He came to my driver side window and started shouting all profanities. Now I do not know about you, but if a person does this in front of your mother and sister and terrorizes them, what would you do, but all my previous patience was lost and I shouted back and belittled him. He said I should take care of his age and he should slap me for speaking like this. I said if you slap me you will lose your hand.
By this time I was out for blood, and I was ready to literally either kill or die. But my mother on the other hand held my hand and started apologizing to the madman which made me even more angry. By now a crowd was gathered and seeing the biker's foolish attempt sided me so on my mother's insistence I let go.

Usually, I am calmer than this but the psychological term for this is called 'catharsis', a buildup of stress that explodes out. So a simple confrontation made me write 'life has become too hard'? no, these are the factors that are making it hard to live:

1. I live in North Karachi, where the traffic laws are laws of jungle. I get hit by motorcycles on a daily basis but usually they are apologetic so I let them go.
2. We no longer get water, we bring in tankers. For drinking water, all the hydrants nearby have started giving gutter water that is making us sick.
3. A year ago I had the choice to go to BI Norwegian Business School or IBA, and I chose IBA and I regret it everyday for living in Karachi.
4. Now all three breadearners in my family are unemployed, we have sold our house, and are about to sell one of our two cars, and inflation is on the rise. Soon we are gone.
5. I look like a studious kid and I have been bullied all my life until I became stone cold and now everyone stays away from me which is much better. Reason is few people have nothing to lose as I do which makes me fearless.
6. In my one year at University I have interned at places where even 4th year students cannot go, but it hurt me sharply when my incompetent peers get in the same position without giving interviews or through contacts.
7. I HATE KARACHI. Sorry to say but I have traveled (on sponsored trips only) to Lahore, Faisalbad and Islamabad but the absolute worst people are in Karachi. SIck, deadly, and badtameez with zero direction. (Yes I am of Muhajir descent and a native of Karachi since three generations)
8. I feel stuck that my parents raised me to be an honest man, I do not even cheat in exams and never even once broke a red signal, all because I never saw my father do such things but I see 90% of the people do not care anymore and they are at a much bigger advantage than me. I know I will always be miserable in cheating system.

Some of the worse things I am not comfortable in sharing, but you get the idea I am fed up with life. I tried reaching out to a licenced therapist on my University's payroll but she is on long summer leaves. Now I know most of my problems can be solved if I relocated out of Karachi but it is not possible for the next 3 years so I need your help in coping with my situation.
@Xulfiqar I know you left Pakistan, can you tell me is your life any better in the US? How did you cope in Pakistan? Any other pakwheeler who can give me practical advice on coping, please I am suffering. Thanks in advance.

[babarhyd]

Read it all. Patience bro patience is what's going to help in these times.

...And be patient and persevering, for Allah is with those who patiently persevere. ( Holy Qur'an, 8: 46)

• The famous scholar Nasir al‑Din al‑Tusi said: “Sabr means restraining the self from agitation when confronted with undesir­ables.”

An advice to attain Sabr:
This world is a believer’s prison. Gather all the strength at your command and be patient and forbearing throughout its ups and downs. With courage and fortitude, stand against adversities and calamities.

Make yourself understand that the agitation and anguish inside you, aside from involving a great disgrace by themselves, are futile in confrontation with sufferings and calamities. Be happy with God and don’t complain in front of creatures about His irresistible decrees and inevitable ordainments. During the times of hardships, turn your heart's attention to the focal point of Absolute Perfection (God) and you will witness its effects in this world itself and your heart will attain such an expanse that it will become the realm of the manifestation of God's sovereignty.

Imam ‘Ali (a) said: “The one who practices Sabr will never be deprived of success, even though it may take a long time.” [Nahjul Balagha, saying # 153]

Read the whole article here:
https://www.al-islam.org/articles/merits-soul-patience-sabr

[Xulfiqar]

Dont be fed up - It was always like that in Karachi since I recall - You are studying and getting into professional life and that will be sort of difficult but it will eventually level out. I have also faced issues like refusal of employment due to caste/sect etc. But I eventually figured out how to earn money with the skillsets I had. I also came to really really bad financial situations - but dont lose hope, You will have to fight your way in - thats just life.

Also remember that you dont need to become a super seehda saadha person otherwise the animals in the city will trample you, be street smart yet sensible, do not try to be best person on earth there.

Any other country is not a heaven as people think it is - life is very tough everywhere due to global competition - e.g. people in USA are getting laid off from jobs because companies outsource those same jobs to India and Pakistan, same situation again that you have to adjust as society and time moves forwards.

Do remember that education standards have gone down the drain in the past decades and has resulted in the kind of people you met on that motorcycle. For that - always remember that wresting a pig in mud will result in both getting muddy but the pig enjoys that.

Keep your hopes high, look for work everywhere, network yourself with good people - doesnt matter if they are higher ups or normal - You will find a way, I cannot tell you how - but the way will show itself. If you are a person with empathy then make a habit of feeding birds and other beings (even ants) - it gives a satisfaction that clears your thoughts. If you are religious then be assured that those feedings results in a "dua" from those beings everytime they eat. (even ants).

Do not think of it as the end of the world as you are with your nuclear family, that itself is a gift that nothing can compare to.

Take care - dont get upset. Life finds a way.

[chinyoti]

Just today I was taking to my self.

Every other day some one calls me from my office dont take maripur road theirs a protest going on

Everywhere their is traffic chaos.

You reach office their is no electricity, generators are shouting out loud.

You reach office the dollar that was 157 yesterday, reached 166 today. All buying stops, you cant decide who to pay.

Business has partially stopped. People have started calling in pay your payables before 1st July or else add 17% GST to all payments or else arrange cash.

If go asking anyone for 1% extra they would literally drag me saying demag kharab hai.

[capsat]

Just today I was taking to my self.

last top end 7 digit figure landed from single customer in my business account was in 2012., the business conditions started deteriorating from Sept 2012 and to date it is in negative. In 2012 my at source tax deductions were in mid 6 digits figures avg, with passge of time and continous decline this year my accountant has announced it is just in high end 5 figures.

over passge of time 2012 to date --

from 16 people to 6 people with heavy heart i had to let go of people working for us since my adulthood. however we still pay their home utility bills, & primary school going kids fee without any questions. But am not sure for how long we can manage that support as well.

Yes economy is crippled.,

The people i work with, the type of business am into, my faith is growing stronger either its NOW or NEVER,

the collective struggle of UNSEEN is to bring system out of paralysis, kick start the economy, justice & punishments become terror for every one, accountability recovery of stolen and ruthless punishments, once the LAW becomes actual terror the system will automatically start to recover, will take time but it will emerge (insha ALLAH)

am sure if the Single Individual gets enough time in the Position, things will start to improve after March 2020, and thats keep me moving.

[capsat]

@muhammad.irtiza you are not the only one.
-
instead of any sermon, i suggest reconnect yourself to ALLAH (swt)
look around and see how many people still do not have what you have., that will make you thankful.

Stay away from MULLAH / MOLVI
like Zulfiqar said

Keep your hopes high, look for work everywhere, network yourself with good people - doesnt matter if they are higher ups or normal - You will find a way, I cannot tell you how - but the way will show itself. If you are a person with empathy then make a habit of feeding birds and other beings (even ants) - it gives a satisfaction that clears your thoughts. If you are religious then be assured that those feedings results in a "dua" from those beings everytime they eat. (even ants).

Do not think of it as the end of the world as you are with your nuclear family, that itself is a gift that nothing can compare to.

[chinyoti]

I hope they do, I definitely look forward. Just 2 hours away when you goto Dubai you realize how good quality of life is. Yes it comes at a cost. Even visiting Lahore feels delightful.

Yes no one is perfect their are issues every where. Situations are detoriating. I hope and wish and pray things get a little better atleast.

[hyder_m29]

A lot of us here have been through what you're going through. Eventually, the time passes and things get better. Then you look at back at the time you've endured and wondered why you worried so much. You seem young. I know it's hard to feel positive surrounded by all the hardships, but these hardships sculpt you. When you're in a better place in life, all the small annoyances that trouble people who've had good lives won't trouble you --- because you've been through much worse and you came out of it unscathed. Life will seem easy once you've endured it's labors. You are not done being educated yet. Life has more lessons for you. Bide your time, Allah (SWT) has his reasons. Trust in Him.

[capsat]

Even visiting Lahore feels delightful

the sanity level of a common lahori is still the same., roads, trains, metros may change looks but the real people are life of any city and they are still as naive as they were since 1947

• UAE .. it sux big time - the LAW is terror, every day there are thefts from shopping mall parkings and no one dare report it over newspaper or electronic media.

[chinyoti]

What I meant was, their taxes being spent on them. Public transportation, quality of roads, intercity movement that is alot better.

[muhammad.irtiza]

Thank you @Xulfiqar bhai and other respected members. Indeed sabr through hardships is what makes us stronger. @babarhyd I did read the whole article; Imam Ali's wisdom has helped me in various hardships.

All of you are right, most of you already have seen all this and maybe even worse, it's nice to take advice from experienced people. I already feel much more hopeful. I have a family and roof over my head, that's more than a lot of people have.

I will find a way to be more street smart, I have seen how people mistake good manner of talking for being stupid and try to loot. I have good employment opportunities even today but I am solely focusing on studies, all I am concerned is that even with all the wealth and power here I will not be happy with the attitude of the masses, so I will consider relocating to my favorite city Islamabad or elsewhere when I am capable in 3-5 years.

I look after a bunch of cats on campus which makes my head clearer and take summer classes to keep my brain occupied but even the sanest person can get pushed to his limits when his family is threatened.

This too, will pass. Inshallah.

Again, thank you for the support.

[danishmmh]

Well you are lucky to have a house and a car that you can sell, have seen worst.

For me I have always taken solace in the two ayats of Holy Quran whose translation summary is as below. I am writing this of my mind so please excuse the mistake in translation it is only to give you an idea.

After every difficulty there is relief , and indeed after every difficulty there is relief.

Allah does not burden one more than he can bear.

Personally we have seen times where used to have two meals a day and meat was luxury. So if Allah is testing you thank him, trust him, pray to him and keep doing your best

[dayrider]

even the sanest person can get pushed to his limits when his family is threatened

its always traumatizing when experienced for the first time but like everyone said, no point in worrying your head over something that you can't control.

Finding employment in these times is indeed difficult, lots of people got laid off, but that doesn't mean that we give up.

You talk about karachi people being crazy, well just think about the guy on the motorcycle, imagine what he would be going through, if you have lost so much and are struggling, imagine his thoughts.

The fact of the matter is that yes, life has become hard, people are finding it hard to coope, hence everyone is frustrated and on the verge of explosion. The best we can do in these times is make best of what we have and help those less fortunate than us, doing good results in getting good back, becoming stone cold is a sad fact these days, because emotions are considered a weak point and so is honesty.
But like everyone said, remain calm, pray, and as you said this too shall pass.

just a little tip, analyse what shows you are watching and what music you are listening to, change that to more positive things,it will relax your subconscious.

Best of luck bro, "may your news, be good news"

[nfssaad]

i used to think IBA was good....

wanted to do MBA from there..

[capsat]

I will consider relocating to my favorite city Islamabad

stay in Karachi if at all you choose move out look away from Pakistan.
in Pakistan a Karachi born, raised & educated can only survive & have peace outside Pakistan, within Pakistan he will go insane by the lethargy of locals any other city

@chinyoti your input please for 2 lines above.

[omersiddiqui5482]

@muhammad.irtiza dear i feel very sorry for you and hope that you cope with this unstable state of your ASAP. i have been to the Same University as You (You Know That) and Life at IBA has always been quite stressful, leave alone the Karachi's jackasses. you might remember i posted a thread on this traffic and jahalat situation in Ramadan i am also i should we all suffer from the same issues just the scenarios are different.

With the economy on a trend to bury itself in hell, situations like this occur to common people like us and these situations make us stronger than ever. i too had the same scenario as yours. Even in the first year of university i didnt had a car ( Your have been blessed with it) but in the second year Allah Blessed me with it with my own money..

You just have to have patience dear see the silver lining in every dark cloud. Work Very Hard as you always do and work even harder. Try to be a support to your Father stand by him. if he sees you in a depression like this imagine what will happen to him from the inside. you need to be strong, be independent, be the best you can be, you need to be can, assess every situation with a cool mind, give time to your studies, take care of your health and the best thing is to connect with Allah, Trust be i have been through a lot (I guess everyone who commented here has) but the one thing you will find similar in us all that helped us and sailed our ships out the stormy seas is Allah.

Let us face one reality, for now you cant relocate from this city and i dont need to point the reasons.... you need to be strong, be smart and you are not to lose your cool.

offer prayers regularly it will help you.

Listen to this i you have sometime, these two songs do give a bit a strength.

(these are not meant for you to hit the gym, waise gym is not a bad idea)

[shaikh229]

[automakerz]

Irtiza - patience and time will change you.

I know traveling in karachi is getting worst day by day - all this due construction of roads and heavy traffic. People loose their patience duo to xtreme hot weather.

I live near by IBA city campus, (you can come to my home any time) i am doing a job at I.I.Chundrgarh road and when i came back home in the evening - i am full of tiredness and Sweat. (i commute by public transport). Bike is not allowed by my parents and wife - taking car at I.I.Chundridarh is worst - (Lack of parking). some times i feel proud that when i came out from bus at Numaish or Soldier Bazar or Garden. i see people traveling to Nagan, 5 star, Surjani, 2K chorangi in this heat.

Alhamdulillah you have a Family - Home to live. Hard times do come in life and its gone. its a lesson and learning process. All of us have faced hard times - If we are lower, middle and upper class.

I studied at DHA college way back in 2000, there are lots of Burgers or Upper class people but do always keep in mind "its all Allah Wish". dont underestimate your self, time will change eventually.

All seniors at this forum will give you much better suggestions - do follow them. Allah is Great.

I am a big fan of cars since childhood and my aim was when i grow up will buy a car with my own money, Alhamdulillah with my parents good education provided to me, their Tarbiat i am able to buy a car in 2006 Brand new cuore from my own money. Now having a city car. All Allah blessing. I am nothing.

So - Love your parents and Keep Faith in Allah. you will Succeed in life. Good Luck.

Soon omersiddiqui, me and you will have a lunch at Cafe Darakshan opposite Amma Tower. Inshallah

[HellsGuardian]

Most of the seniors have pretty much summed up everything so i will not go through all of that again.

I currently live in Lahore and even though i have a good job, traffic conditions are same. Same jahil people who argue with you, tell you to come out of vehicle so they can exchange punches etc but ironically you don't even know why they are behaving in such a way. Reason is that they have never been groomed like us, we know what is right and what is wrong but they lack that sense. Second reason is that Pakistan awam in general is frustrated with all sort of problems (even you gave a list) so they take their anger out on road.
Best is to avoid any arguments with anyone on road because you know its useless, Xulfiqar bhai gave a good example.

Regarding your real issue, do not lose hope. Try to get into professional life and excel in it. Yes there are people who cut shortcuts using references etc but most people who are at good positions have a long struggle in their history.
Always know that your hardwork is never wasted. Right now you are facing hardships but it doesn't mean it will remain like that forever. Once you are at a good position career wise, you can considering moving to another city or even country but be ready to face challenges as we do not live in a perfect world. Some places might have a better traffic but there would be other flaws.

Life in Pakistan is indeed getting miserable, i sometimes think that we may be able to survive one way or another but what about our kids? For them future looks really bleak.

[capsat]

well just think about the guy on the motorcycle, imagine what he would be going through, if you have lost so much and are struggling, imagine his thoughts.

seems you have heard my mother's sermon somewhere !