Golden Chance. Gift For Suzuki Mehran Lovers. Dream Come True!

“Golden Chance. Gift for Mehran Lovers. Dream come true”

There are so many wrongs in this tagline which mind you, I haven’t made up myself during the eventless loadshedding hours. I have actually come across the ‘Gift for Mehran Lovers’ expression on car selling websites more often than not, and it has always left me wondering about quite a few things – most importantly, has my life been a big fat lie?

Gift, I have always been told ever since my spaceship landed on this gola (planet), is something you get for free. It is something intended for you, presented to you out of sheer love, gratitude or pride. It is not something you have to pay for. Yet, when I click on the ‘Gift for Mehran Lovers’ ad, I see a 5 lakh rupee price tag. What sorcery is that? Why is he putting a price on a priceless ‘gift’?

Correspondingly, gold has been dear to humans for centuries. Their love for this uselessly soft metal is unconceivable by logic yet, economies are based on gold reserves of countries. Hence when we say “Golden Chance”, it implies impeccable, unblemished, bewildering and breathtaking once-in-a-life-time opportunity which if missed, leads to an eternity of repentance, regrets and What-if’s. And I always wonder how can missing a used Mehran, a few thousands of which we come across every day, be such a preposterous mistake? What is so exceptional in this particular Mehran that literally a Million other Mehrans are deprived of? Unfortunately the ad’s description always leaves this secret unrevealed.

I have socialized with a lot of humans since my arrival on this planet. They lead a short 60 earthly year’s life, but accumulate goods and chattels sufficient for a dozen such lifetimes. They dream big. I have met millionaires from palaces to homeless living in slums, and one thing is common – yes, they dream BIG. I am yet to come across someone who has 5 lakh rupees, and yet he dreams of a Mehran. Every. Single. Night. Mehran is never a dream. It is always a compromise, a compulsion, a constraint.

Please don’t get me wrong, it took me 5 years to work my back side off (yes, we have that on our planet too) to afford a bike. I have utmost respect for hardworkers and people with legitimate source of income, irrespective of how big or small. I just fail to fathom the ulterior motive behind erroneously glamorizing a drab item of utility…erroneously glamorizing like ““Golden Chance. Gift for Mehran Lovers. Dream come true”

Alas, earthlings go lengths in overselling their belongings. It startles me to see them regularly making an absolute fool out of themselves in this process.

I know a person who buys and sells cars. He eyes a target car, goes to the sellers and starts aggrandizing the tiniest of issues with that particular model – “Civic tau aajkal bikti hi nahi. 1800cc ki tau registration hi 3 lakh hai, itni heavy body hai, 6 ki average deti hai, iss color ki tau market hi 9-10 lakh hai. Iss say purana model ab bhi behtar bik jaata hai”. Once he buys the car, those grave issues vanish and it instantaneously becomes the best Civic Honda has ever produced. It jumps to 1.3 million in value because ‘saaf garee kay achay paisay hotay hain’ (nope, not while he was buying, just upon selling), the fuel economy improves rightaway from the earlier understated ‘6 deti hai’ to 12-13kmpl. Amusingly, it never worked for him. He was the same miser whining about money 10 years ago as he is now.

Why then? Why humiliate yourself in this worthless pursuit of deceit? Why can’t the ads state the truth? Wouldn’t it save the buyers as well as sellers’ precious time and energy if the seller presented the car as it is – without the glorification?

Have you guys come across someone jumping his socio-economic class just by selling his car 20k more expensive than it deserved, or buying a car 20k cheaper than the market price? That’s not how it works. That’s not how any of this works…even on my planet.

I have made quite a few friends in the process of buying and selling cars, and I haven’t bought and sold many. And they, trust you me, have proven to be far more precious than any 20k I would’ve made extra on sale/purchase of any of those particular vehicles.  They all had one thing in common – they were not willing to lie/exaggerate/glorify their ordinary cars in order to sell it to me at a slightly higher price.

Phrases like “in use of an army officer/Banker/govt. servant”, “Ghar ki chali hui”, “selling because going abroad”, “CNG installed but never used” accompany every alternate ad nowadays. And to be honest, this trick has been utilized to an extent that all these statements work more as deterrents than seduction. I personally click that red x button on the top right corner as soon as I see any of these in a car’s description…as soon as I hear any of such exalted claims, I understand that saala wrong number hai.

Are there any claims by the seller which work as an anti-click for you? What are the things which tick you off from buying a car right away? What are the phrases which make you stop looking at the car and just walk away?

Don’t believe me? Just look at some of the Suzuki Mehrans posted on PakWheels.com and see for yourself.