A Short Satire Against PS

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“We at PakSuzuki have taken a very strong notice of the allegations being made on us in certain quarters especially @pakwheels.com that we are about to change the shape and engine of our CULTUS. We hereby inform all concerned that at PakSuzuki; we have a very firm policy of not to change anything in the company; whatever is there at the start must stay forever. We don’t change the shapes of our different products, we don’t change our quality policy, we don’t change our CEO’s, COO’s, CFO’s, Directors etc. etc. so much so that the towels placed in the washrooms of our executives for the last 25 years, we haven’t even changed those.

After hearing this rumor that the CULTUS shape is to be changed the employees of PakSuzuki are very depressed. Due to working on the same design for years our technicians are so much tuned that they can even work while sleeping. For this we have provided folding beds in our manufacturing department and in our assembly lines. If the shape is changed, then these technicians would have to work for few years, while being awake.

Best example of keeping the same shape is our most popular product Mehran. The person who designed MEHRAN, in late 80’s, was so excited with his creation that when the first Mehran came out of assembly line he took off immediately in that on a trip ‘around the world in 80 days’. Unfortunately, we have not heard from him since then. And due to the complexity of the design, so far we have not been able to appoint any other person to replace him. However, in our recent Board meeting it was decided that we will wait for another five years for that person to return, if he doesn’t then we’ll make this design of Mehran, permanent.

Another issue being raised about Mehran @pakwheels.com is that one key can open all Mehrans. Well we tell you that this has been done intentionally by our team of experts to give relief to our customers. Imagine yourself standing helpless after you’ve locked your keys in your Mehran. What would be economical in terms of time and cost? (1) breaking your car window to retrieve the keys, (2) wandering off to find a locksmith OR (3) just taking two steps in either direction to borrow a key for few seconds from another Mehran owner to open your car. Definitely the last option, so instead of facing criticism PakSuzuki deserves a medal for such an innovation that no other competitor offers.

We take this opportunity to clarify the issue of quality of our products. This issue comes up time and again at every forum. PakSuzuki takes pride in saying that we have given jobs to some mentally retarded and handicapped people and have placed them in our Quality Control department. Our head of quality control, is blind since birth, who personally ‘Sees’ all the aspect of quality and also tries to take the test drive himself. Our quality inspectors are so enthusiastic that mostly they pass the cars even before they are made. Even then, if you face quality related issues in your car then please ignore them as sympathy to the people in our Quality Control department. Recite the following verse few times and you’ll be just fine, ‘PakSuzuki ka shukar ada kar bhai jis nay hamari car banai’.

We once again claim that at PakSuzuki we DO NOT (Repeat) DO NOT believe in change so we request @pakwheels.com to refrain from defaming our company and not to allow such discussions at your forums. This reputation we have earned through years of lousy work. If ever we make a big change that is only in the price of our cars and otherwise we only do some cosmetic changes in a car to make you believe that we have made a big change. We request @libra to take notice of this fact otherwise we’ll replace his Pajero with our Potohar and then we’ll see how he goes on excursion around the country in comfort and style?

Long live PakSuzuki…..Short live the customer”.

DISCLAIMER: The above narrated quotation is a fiction and not to mean any harm to any person, people, class, gender, religion, color, cast, sect, country, organization, community, company, and car.

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1 Comment
  1. Muhammad Omer says

    Best satire:-)

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